Living with Fibromyalgia

I was diagnosed about the year 2000 with fibromyalgia. My biggest problem then was the people I worked with. They could not understand why 1 day I seemed fine & made my production & then 3 or more days after I could not even get half my production & I wandered off to bathroom a lot & break areas. Some ran to the big boss every chance they got. Inability to not keep up with my job, constant light duty I was finally let go.

I was homeless. I had 3 kids. The oldest got married, the middle girl went to stay with friends then got married & the youngest boy went to a foster home until I could draw some income. 2 years later I got my lump sum, got a home & brought my youngest to live with me.

Since last year Disability has been trying to take away my disability. I still have fibromyalgia & with all the meds I take you cannot work while taking them & I cannot work without them. I also cannot drive. It would be considered DUI. I filed my appeal August 09. My attorney that originally got my disability told me to make copies of everything. They lie, deny you were ever there & lose paperwork. I am glad I listened to him. I called in September and was told I would be assigned a case worker mid-October. By November I got a letter saying I had been taken off disability. I went up there & when I showed them my proof ( and by the way they did deny I ever came in) I was told I would get a C-Pay. I was also told I would not have to go through the mess I did last time. I’d be paid every month. Now January 17 I am still calling & writing. I get told 1 thing then they do another. Last call Friday they said I was not even in the system! My son & his girlfriend both lost jobs in Sept. 09. My son went to pick up his last check & they gave him a paper to sign. He thought it was for his check & never read it. It said he voluntarily quit so no half time. We are hungry. NO food whatsoever in my home & I am too sick to go seek help.
People still do not understand fibromyalgia. Stress makes it worse & boy am I under stress. I spent the week of Thanksgiving in hospital with 2.7 potassium ( critically low), dehydration & such pain I could not eat.

I have fought for what little I have for so long & now getting tired & about to give up. I eat ( if I can get any food) 1 time every 3 days. Sleep a lot so I won’t feel hungry. I think my dehydration is back & now have bad vertigo. Dizziness & fainting I can handle. Vertigo takes control away from you & you feel like you are being pulled through the floor which is where I fall to & hold on for that wild ride. I get sick that way. I was overweight but since October I have lost 45 lbs & still losing. It will stall a little bit then take off at about a pound a day. Social security is throwing me away & I don’t deserve to have food wasted on me. I often ask the Lord if he is through with me then just let me go. When I know I am dying I plan to wander off so my son won’t find me. I have no money & no insurance. It is better if he does not claim the body if they find me.

Been to Mental Health & was on antidepressants but I have been too ill to go back so I stopped taking them. I have trouble concentrating and often confused. Sometimes I sit & watch TV but if someone asks me what the show is about I don’t even know what I am watching. I am no good to anyone like I am. Pain grabs me in muscles, joints & I can hardly move. I’ve been told hyperthermia is an easy way to die. You don’t even feel cold toward the end & you just get sleepy & go to sleep.